Using Social Media is part of our postmodern culture. That’s where 45% of the world is! Therefore it’s only natural that social beings such as us humans, feel the need to be where their social circles are.
Using it moderately has its advantages in this connected world. But as the excess of anything is bad, too much social media can become an unhealthy habit or worse, an addiction.
Many connected millennials may find the term “social media addict” a cool way to describe themselves, but studies have shown that this is far from being an accolade. With estimates of over 210 million users being affected, Social Media addiction is a growing phenomenon worldwide of a real mental health issue that is having a profound impact on people's lives.
Using Social Media is part of our postmodern culture. That’s where 45% of the world is! Therefore it’s only natural that social beings such as us humans, feel the need to be where their social circles are.
Using it moderately has its advantages in this connected world. But as the excess of anything is bad, too much social media can become an unhealthy habit or worse, an addiction.
Many connected millennials may find the term “social media addict” a cool way to describe themselves, but studies have shown that this is far from being an accolade. With estimates of over 210 million users being affected, Social Media addiction is a growing phenomenon worldwide of a real mental health issue that is having a profound impact on people's lives.
Are you addicted? Take the quiz and find out.
[uvq_quiz type="personalityquiz" id="654"]
What is social media addiction?
According to Dr Elizabeth Woodcock’s research, at a basic level, it is a compulsive need to spend excessive amounts of time engaged in social media activities such that important areas of life can be neglected.
When trying to identify any kind of addiction, frequency and quantity are important points to consider. In an attempt to create awareness of this issue, the technology and medical communities have been creating new solutions to different types of tech addictions. Such as Apple’s iOS native feature Screen Time that lets iPhone users know how much time they have been spending on apps and websites.
But Screen Time is not necessarily an accurate way to measure an unhealthy use of digital platforms because people can spend many hours of the day on social media and still not be addicted. So to diagnose social media addiction, one of the most significant points to consider is self-control.
When referring to chemical addictions such as alcohol and nicotine, what categorizes addicts is the loss of consumption control. Psychiatrist Dartiu Xavier explains, “Not being able to resist the urge to have a drink before a work appointment, for example, can be a prominent characteristic of addiction. Because not only drinking while working is tremendously inappropriate but also one couldn’t stop [him/herself] from doing that”.
Why do people get addicted?
Social Media is a business. Like every other business, they need public interacting with their product. And the more time we spend scrolling, clicking and liking, the more money they make. But how do they get us to do that?
Let’s start with science! Dopamine is a chemical produced by our brains and plays an essential task in motivating behaviour by making us feel rewarded. It gets released when we experience pleasurable activities like eating tasty food, exercising and (surprise surprise) engaging in successful social interactions.
The social media companies not only know this, they have been using it to design addictive platforms. Chamath Palihapitiya, former Vice President of User Growth at Facebook admitted feeling guilty about using the social network to exploit consumer behaviour, saying “The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops that we have created are destroying how society works”.
If you have never heard of the “dopamine feedback loop”, when it comes to social media it’s basically:
Step 1: Perform an action - post something; Step 2: Wait for reaction - for people to engage with your post; Step 3: Reward - likes and comments.
After step 3, our brain produces the dopamine and in the short term you’ll feel good about yourself, but in the long run, this behaviour reinforcement via the dopamine reward mechanism can become an addictive cycle.
“Platforms like Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram leverage the very same neural circuitry used by slot machines and cocaine to keep us using their products as much as possible.”
The cerebral effects can be even worse on people who already have mental disorders. Individuals who suffer from anxiety feel pressured to reply to a comment, to get enough likes or to check Facebook in order to move on with their day. Research made by Liu yi Lin from the University of Pittsburgh found that “depressed individuals with a diminished sense of self-worth may turn to social media-based interactions for validation.”
I want my life back. How do I Recover?
Step 1. Identify the source of the issue and the stage. When, where, how and why do you feel the need to open Instagram or Facebook repeatedly? Figuring this out is an essential step in finding ways to battle this behaviour. People can trigger the "dopamine feedback loop" and become addicted to Social Media for numerous reasons. Maybe you spend your time on Social Media because you are bored, stressed, or procrastinating an unwanted responsibility. Perhaps it's FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) or the need for validation. The cause may be simply opportunistic, or it might be due to something deeper, like damaged self-worth. Some people can find themselves stuck in this cycle because of pre-existing causes such as mental health issues. Whatever the reason, you need to identify it and get help if necessary.
Step 2. Minimize temptation. You need to decrease your usage in order to get this social media detox started, but you probably won't feel strong enough to resist the urge to access it. One strategy to make the process less challenging is minimizing the possibilities to be tempted.
You can start by unfollowing all accounts that you don't interact with in real life. And yeah, that will take a lot of willpower, but the sacrifice is worth it. We tend to accumulate stuff in our lives, and with social media, it's no different. We all have that Facebook friend that we met six years ago at a friend's birthday dinner and haven't spoken since. Delete them. By using the IRL (in real life) criterion, your feed will be free from unnecessary junk that keeps you procrastinating your life away. And that goes for business pages too. If you don't interact with a brand or business in real life, you don't need to follow it on social media.
Another way to keep the temptation away is by changing your notification settings. Social Networks use notifications as a crucial tool to keep fishing us back. Checking one innocent notification can take 2 minutes or lead to a 30 to 50-minute long procrastination. So you'll need to turn them off. The point here is not to silence all notifications. You can start with the ones that don't impact you directly. Because you really don't need to be notified when your friends update their statuses or when someone posts in a group.
Step 3. Find alternative IRL activities. Now that you don't have a buzzing phone, your life must be quieter. You'll find yourself struggling with the need to keep voluntarily checking your social platforms. Research has shown that to get rid of a habit, we need to replace it with a new one. And the best way to keep your mind away from Social Media is having genuine experiences in real life.
If you followed the first step, this is where it gets handy. Combining the knowledge of when, where, why and how you get stuck in the addictive cycle, with your new alternatives, you'll be able to fight your weak spots. So if you notice that you're tempted to check your Facebook when feeling stressed at work, try something else like going outside for a brief walk. The digital environment can give us a false sense of a successful social life. So welcome this recovery process as an opportunity to brainstorm ideas to grow personally, find new hobbies and meet people in real life.
Step 4. Know that slip-ups are normal. And remind yourself of that. Lapses are a natural part of the recovery processes. So if it happens, don't be hard on yourself and don't give up.
Juliana Muniz
Are you looking for more great content in living a better life? Take a look at The Feed!
Check out some stories where people have found hope and freedom here!
According to Dr Elizabeth Woodcock’s research, at a basic level, it is a compulsive need to spend excessive amounts of time engaged in social media activities such that important areas of life can be neglected.
When trying to identify any kind of addiction, frequency and quantity are important points to consider. In an attempt to create awareness of this issue, the technology and medical communities have been creating new solutions to different types of tech addictions. Such as Apple’s iOS native feature Screen Time that lets iPhone users know how much time they have been spending on apps and websites.
But Screen Time is not necessarily an accurate way to measure an unhealthy use of digital platforms because people can spend many hours of the day on social media and still not be addicted. So to diagnose social media addiction, one of the most significant points to consider is self-control.
When referring to chemical addictions such as alcohol and nicotine, what categorizes addicts is the loss of consumption control. Psychiatrist Dartiu Xavier explains, “Not being able to resist the urge to have a drink before a work appointment, for example, can be a prominent characteristic of addiction. Because not only drinking while working is tremendously inappropriate but also one couldn’t stop [him/herself] from doing that”.
Why do people get addicted?
Social Media is a business. Like every other business, they need public interacting with their product. And the more time we spend scrolling, clicking and liking, the more money they make. But how do they get us to do that?
Let’s start with science! Dopamine is a chemical produced by our brains and plays an essential task in motivating behaviour by making us feel rewarded. It gets released when we experience pleasurable activities like eating tasty food, exercising and (surprise surprise) engaging in successful social interactions.
The social media companies not only know this, they have been using it to design addictive platforms. Chamath Palihapitiya, former Vice President of User Growth at Facebook admitted feeling guilty about using the social network to exploit consumer behaviour, saying “The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops that we have created are destroying how society works”.
If you have never heard of the “dopamine feedback loop”, when it comes to social media it’s basically:
Step 1: Perform an action - post something; Step 2: Wait for reaction - for people to engage with your post; Step 3: Reward - likes and comments.
After step 3, our brain produces the dopamine and in the short term you’ll feel good about yourself, but in the long run, this behaviour reinforcement via the dopamine reward mechanism can become an addictive cycle.
“Platforms like Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram leverage the very same neural circuitry used by slot machines and cocaine to keep us using their products as much as possible.”
The cerebral effects can be even worse on people who already have mental disorders. Individuals who suffer from anxiety feel pressured to reply to a comment, to get enough likes or to check Facebook in order to move on with their day. Research made by Liu yi Lin from the University of Pittsburgh found that “depressed individuals with a diminished sense of self-worth may turn to social media-based interactions for validation.”
I want my life back. How do I Recover?
Step 1. Identify the source of the issue and the stage. When, where, how and why do you feel the need to open Instagram or Facebook repeatedly? Figuring this out is an essential step in finding ways to battle this behaviour. People can trigger the "dopamine feedback loop" and become addicted to Social Media for numerous reasons. Maybe you spend your time on Social Media because you are bored, stressed, or procrastinating an unwanted responsibility. Perhaps it's FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) or the need for validation. The cause may be simply opportunistic, or it might be due to something deeper, like damaged self-worth. Some people can find themselves stuck in this cycle because of pre-existing causes such as mental health issues. Whatever the reason, you need to identify it and get help if necessary.
Step 2. Minimize temptation. You need to decrease your usage in order to get this social media detox started, but you probably won't feel strong enough to resist the urge to access it. One strategy to make the process less challenging is minimizing the possibilities to be tempted.
You can start by unfollowing all accounts that you don't interact with in real life. And yeah, that will take a lot of willpower, but the sacrifice is worth it. We tend to accumulate stuff in our lives, and with social media, it's no different. We all have that Facebook friend that we met six years ago at a friend's birthday dinner and haven't spoken since. Delete them. By using the IRL (in real life) criterion, your feed will be free from unnecessary junk that keeps you procrastinating your life away. And that goes for business pages too. If you don't interact with a brand or business in real life, you don't need to follow it on social media.
Another way to keep the temptation away is by changing your notification settings. Social Networks use notifications as a crucial tool to keep fishing us back. Checking one innocent notification can take 2 minutes or lead to a 30 to 50-minute long procrastination. So you'll need to turn them off. The point here is not to silence all notifications. You can start with the ones that don't impact you directly. Because you really don't need to be notified when your friends update their statuses or when someone posts in a group.
Step 3. Find alternative IRL activities. Now that you don't have a buzzing phone, your life must be quieter. You'll find yourself struggling with the need to keep voluntarily checking your social platforms. Research has shown that to get rid of a habit, we need to replace it with a new one. And the best way to keep your mind away from Social Media is having genuine experiences in real life.
If you followed the first step, this is where it gets handy. Combining the knowledge of when, where, why and how you get stuck in the addictive cycle, with your new alternatives, you'll be able to fight your weak spots. So if you notice that you're tempted to check your Facebook when feeling stressed at work, try something else like going outside for a brief walk. The digital environment can give us a false sense of a successful social life. So welcome this recovery process as an opportunity to brainstorm ideas to grow personally, find new hobbies and meet people in real life.
Step 4. Know that slip-ups are normal. And remind yourself of that. Lapses are a natural part of the recovery processes. So if it happens, don't be hard on yourself and don't give up.
Juliana Muniz
Are you looking for more great content in living a better life? Take a look at The Feed!
Check out some stories where people have found hope and freedom here!
7 ways you can turn your exercise routine green.
These days you’d have to be living under a rock if you weren’t aware of how much damage we are doing to our environment. Reducing our carbon footprint should be something we are at least thinking about, and where possible taking regular action to improve.
Can this be done when it comes to our fitness and workout routine? Absolutely!
Alisha Christie Unleash Fit Living
1. Do more exercise outdoors – by reducing the use of electrical equipment like treadmills and venues like gyms that use tons of energy, we are not only reducing our personal contribution to energy consumption, we also get the benefits of fresh air, sunshine and exposure to negative ions (if we are lucky enough to be coastal) from exercising outdoors.
2. Use second-hand or eco-friendly workout gear & equipment – Setting yourself up at home with some basic workout equipment doesn’t have to be an expensive ordeal. Check pages like Gumtree, Facebook marketplace and local buy, swap sell groups for second- hand equipment that’s still in good working condition. There are also many eco-friendly companies now that provide excellent quality workout clothes and equipment that have “environment-friendly” as their top values
3. Buy a reusable water bottle – As easy as it is to forget your water bottle and buy a new Mount Franklin every exercise session, just a little effort and investment in a plastic-free one will be better for your health & the environment.
4. Fuel-free commutes – if you live close enough, why not bike it or jog to your workout location and use it as your warm up and cool down?
5. Buy local – find your local farmers market & get better produce while supporting local business. As we know, eating unprocessed, whole foods, mostly plant-based will in and of itself lessen our carbon footprint.
6. Exercise at home – it’s convenient, private and difficult to avoid your own lounge room! Jump on our YouTube channel (go to YouTube. com and search for Unleash Fit Living) and get your sweat session done without leaving the house.
7. Get exercise-social – find a workout buddy, join an outdoor group fitness challenge, or jump on a local sports team. That way you’ll lessen the use of energy of a 24/7 gym and get the benefit of social interaction.
We’d love to hear from you how you’re greening your exercise routine!
Alisha Christie Unleash Fit Living
When you think of your 20s, you imagine precious short years of freedom where you can choose to do anything at all. Want to study? Sure. Want to take a gap year and travel? No problem. Want to stay up and party as late as you want? You certainly have the energy. These are the years when you have licence to do anything, try anything (within reason) and society will pretty much give you a free pass. However, there are some young adults that think a little more seriously about how they want to spend their precious 20s.
We’ve encountered youngins who have spent six months of their lives doing something unusual: introducing people to the Bible. Hana is 25 years old, she studied special education and has decided to share the Bible with people full-time as part of a 6-month volunteer program called Arise for Life. We asked Hana why she isn’t travelling the world or working on her career?
Michael, 23. Hana, 25. Georgia, 19.
“I used to do all these things before,” she says. “I have travelled around 15 countries. I used to party twice a week when I was studying in Iceland. But then, my heart was wanting something more.” After experiencing God in her own life, she enrolled in the 6-month program to share God with people that want a different life.
“The Gospel has real power to change people’s lives. No matter who you are, when you accept Jesus, He totally changes your life,” Hana explains. Most people would agree that talking about God and the Bible is not popular or easy. Hana says, “Most people are not interested, and some people can be rude. But when I find people who are keen to study the Bible, it gives me joy. Studying the Bible with people who want to know God is the best experience that I can ever have! I can actually see that God can transform people’s lives.”
Georgie is 19 years old and has worked alongside Hana and 24 other volunteers sharing in universities and suburbs in Newcastle. “Towards the end of 2017, I experienced the unexpected loss of a close family member. This woke me up. It made me realise how quickly things can change.”
Georgie wants to study nursing, but she decided to postpone her studies to share the Bible with strangers. “The best part of sharing Jesus with people has been seeing him working on their lives in such a real way. I’ve seen many people wanting to leave their old life behind, wanting to find peace, freedom from guilt, and ultimately, meaning in life. Nothing in this world seems to satisfy, but the Gospel does.”
These young people have experienced something in their own lives, and they are convinced it needs to be shared. 23-year-old Michael has volunteered in troubled neighbourhoods with addicts, inmates and criminals. “One thing no one can take from me is what I’ve seen with my own eyes,” Michael says. “I’ve seen the Gospel appeal to drug addicts, alcoholics and fully patched gang members. I know a gang member who was heavily addicted to ice, who left his gang at the risk of death to follow Jesus, and today he remains alive, and his addictions are broken.”
Whether the Bible is true, relevant or powerful - that’s a matter of personal belief and conviction. For these young adults, God is very real and an important part of their lives.
Maddy Voinea Editor
Christmas time is not my favourite time if I’m honest. I worked in marketing and advertising for many years, and if I have to produce one more Christmas sale TV ad or hear one more cheesy commercialised carol it will get me depressed. Right up until Christmas eve that is, when all of that stops and the smell of baked goods begin to fill the home. Seems like the whole world stops actually - it’s beautiful. On every continent people stop to spend time with their family and friends and celebrate by giving gifts and eating together. Christmas is contagious. Chances are, even if you don’t believe in God, you can connect with the concept of Christmas. Simply put, it’s about giving. God gave, and we celebrate that by giving to each other.
However, the way our society today defines God is far from a giving, generous God. We’ve painted our own picture of a god that demands our obedience, that delights in vengeance, that burns children in the fires of hell and restricts our freedoms. What a tyrant! And so we have dismissed with Him altogether, and with good reason! Who would want to believe in a God like that?
What now? With God out of the picture, where do I find the answers to all the hard questions? What can I believe? Can I believe materialism? Evolution tells me that I am nothing more than a random chance construction of an unguided process that took billions of years. It tells me right and wrong is whatever we all agree upon. It tells me very little about my purpose, meaning, belonging - all the things my own humanity is starving for. And so we are left to define our own meaning and construct our own purpose for existence.
I’m a simple kind of person. When I look at the world I see beauty, I see irreducible complexity, I see artistry - as the famous scientist Richard Dawkins puts it: I see “design”. But I also see a world that is hurting, that is hateful, self-destructive and in need of intervention.
Do I believe in spirituality? Yes, I must. It is something almost every human knows instinctively and has experienced in some form. I have experienced it in my own life, I can’t ignore that. I follow Jesus, because he is the perfect example that I would like to follow. If everyone loved their enemies, if everyone worked to heal those around them, if we all lived to serve our neighbours - our world would be healed in a single generation. This is Jesus. This is what it means to be Christian. It’s a life of giving. There is no other world view that is “other-centred” like Christianity. The reason for our suffering as a species is selfishness. The key to our restoration is love.
I don’t know where you are in life right now, you could be busy working on your career, you could be running a successful business, you could be struggling to make ends meet. Do you want to know what will bring you the most fulfilment? Live for others. Give! Give! Give! Give until you have no shirt left on your back and you’ll still be happy! And in doing so you will heal those around you, inspire hope and build dignity in others. It’s so counter-intuitive. Many of us are stuck in a feedback loop of suffering to selfishness which creates only more suffering. This is the reason Christianity talks about “Salvation”!
So what is Christmas? God came to earth, entered our temporal existence to reveal himself. Without revelation we cannot know God, we cannot see outside our own universe no more than a character in a play can reach out to their writer. So He enters our existence! He lives the life of a human. Why? Because we have misunderstood, misquoted and misrepresented Him throughout history and He is desperate to reveal to us what He really is like, His true motives for creating us, His original design for life and His desire for us to live a full, abundant and happy life, in the same way you want your child who you have nurtured and loved to live a full and happy life.
2000 years ago Christianity spread through the world because it answered to our deepest needs: purpose, meaning, belonging. However, there’s a catch. If you want Christianity, you need to learn to give. Jesus says, “Freely you have received, freely give”. You don’t follow Jesus for your own benefit, you do it for those around you. These are the rules of the Kingdom.
Whether you care about the facts of God’s existence or not, that’s up to you. But I want to challenge you to think about something today: Why do you live the way that you live? Are you living for yourself? Or are you living for others? Are you just floating obliviously through life or do you care about the impact your actions have on those around you? God compels me to love you as a brother and a sister, regardless of how you treat me. I deeply respect and admire that worldview. That’s the kingdom I want to be a part of: A world full of givers.
Maddy Voinea Editor
53y Marcia Gouveia’s story of recovery from chronic depression and anxiety - By Camila Skaf
At the age of forty-eight, my mother was diagnosed with Chronic Anxiety and Depression. Unfortunately, it is the fate of many of us today living in such a fast paced, high standards world; where we have to be informed about everything and at the same time be the most productive, with little space for rest and care.
She started losing zest for life and became negative about herself and others around her. Everything seemed too difficult and the lack of joy was dimming any light that came her way. Like many of us, she had heard all about the secrets of longevity, and how people living in the Blue Zones, like the Okinawans, were able to live healthy and happy past 100 years of age, and the residents of Loma Linda and Sardinia who were also famous long-lived people due to their lifestyle.
She also understood the biblical perspective of whole-person health and all the scientific evidence about lifestyle impacts on health. She lived in a green-rich area, her faith in God was strong and active, she had been vegetarian with a balanced diet with mostly home-made meals rich in fibers and plenty of water, but looking closely at the secrets to an abundant life, the physical activity component was almost inexistent.
Marcia (right) and her daughter and granddaughter (Camila and Caterina)
At first, she didn’t want to admit it. After all, she was running errands and working all day long, never having time for anything else. Wasn’t this enough? Well… it turned out that when she looked closer to understand what physical activity really was all about, and how it was a key component of a balanced lifestyle, a whole new worldview shaped in her mind and meaningful solutions started to arise.
Dr. Longo’s newest book, The Longevity Diet, talks about how exercise is a vital component for longevity because our muscles need to keep active. Muscles can only grow and keep strong when challenged. People living in Costa Rica for example, are very physically active all their working lives, walking over one hour per day, climbing stairs and always in motion as part of their lifestyle. But how would sedentary and people working indoors find time and motivation for physical exercise?
My mother’s solution was simple, but it required willpower and a community supporting her choice to take the first steps. After learning about an 80-year-old marathon runner who began running in her sixties, she felt empowered to try it. She had never run before, not even an intentional walk. But as she began, step by step - only a few minutes the first day - she progressed little by little and within a few weeks, she was running 30 minutes without stop and producing lots of happy hormones. She started training for a 5km race and has never stopped running since. It became her best medicine for anxiety and depression. As Anthony Robbins put it, “Emotion is created by motion”. Whatever you’re feeling right now is related to how you’re using your body.
53 year old runner Marcia Gouveia preparing for her next race.
My mother is now fifty-three years old, and she has won countless races, started 3 running clubs - including one in Newcastle - and she is now a happier person and inspiring others around her to do the same. Anytime she feels anxious, she knows what to do and it always works.
It’s true that running is not for everyone. Some would say that cycling is the best exercise for longevity because it puts less stress on the joints. However, studies have shown that running is actually not associated with osteoarthritis in healthy adults. Swimming is another great low impact exercise... and the list goes on.
In his latest amazing book, “Live More Happy”, Dr. Darren Morton reminds us that “motion creates emotion” and it gives us a chance to control the kind of emotions we want to produce. He shares a basic principle that can be the key for us to create positive emotions: “Act how you want to feel”
So let’s get started, even if it’s only 10 minutes each day. Stand up straight, take a deep breath, take your first steps, go for an active walk, then maybe a jog. But whatever it is you decide to do, keep moving and enjoy the journey.
Camila Skaf Co-founder & Executive Director Seeds Newcastle
Anyone who works with or has parented children knows the power of praise. Praise is one of those tools that can really help children succeed and flourish. The nod from a beaming dad, the encouraging word from mum, the comments from an influential teacher, colleague or boss can all become defining moments in the life of a child or any of us. Just think back over your life and think of times you have been praised for a job well done and how you stood a little taller and became a little stronger as a result. That’s the awesome power of praise.
What is not well understood are the negative consequences that some praise can have. Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman, in their book Nurture Shock —New Thinking about Children, cite studies that indicate some praise actually harms children and causes them to have increased anxiety, to underperform at school and to do poorly otherwise. For example, in a random trial with school children, telling half the group they “must be smart at this” (nonspecific praise) and the other half “they must have tried really hard”, the smart group underperformed in further activities, while those told they worked hard in the exercise, continued to accelerate their results. The conclusion reached by the study was something long understood by top teachers, and that is the power of precision praise.
Praise must be linked to key specific behaviours for it to be effective otherwise it has the opposite effect
The researchers discovered that telling kids they were smart or a genius actually increased their anxiety, led to underperforming in future work. The reason was the label smart, or genius gave them performance anxiety. The kids were thinking: “what if next time I am not so good?” or “what if I fail?” or the biggest fear “I won’t be a genius or smart anymore.” “Better if I don’t try ‘cause then I can always say, oh yeah, the reason for that low score was because I didn’t really try.”
The message is clear; link praise with precision onto the precise behaviour that was excellent. Give constructive feedback on how to improve and watch children flourish. If little Susie got 85% in a maths test, then saying to her “you are genius at maths” might actually harm her. It would be much better to say, “I love how your hard work paid off and how you did well in your maths test. What’s even better is if you are more careful with your algebra your score will get even better next time. Well done Susie.”
It is interesting that Jesus well understood the power of precision praise. Right in the heart of one of his more profound parables on making the most of the opportunities to do good and share kindness and compassion with others in your life, he said: “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’” Matthew 25:23.
So make sure you link your praise with precision on the good behaviours you see in your children and then watch how they do even better in the future.
Neil Thompson Life Coach and Minister
Is pornography dangerous? What are the side effects? And how can you kick the habit? We sat down with counsellor and minister David Stojcic to discuss the hard facts about addiction and pornography. David is the Founder of 4D Living, a not-for-profit lifestyle health clinic.
Q: What percentage of people that you counsel disclose to you that they have a problem with pornography?
A: That’s a good question. I am just trying to think how many people come to me and identify pornography as the main issue when it comes to their marriage or their relationship? Not too many. Over the last two years of my counselling with individuals and couples, only one couple identified pornography as the big issue that they were facing. They were separated and on the brink of divorce when they first came to see me. I am delighted to say that their relationship since then has significantly improved and they are now planning their wedding renewal.
I need to say, however, that many of the people that come to see me for a variety of issues admit to me that they are also struggling with pornography. Some of them don’t see it as a serious issue as they believe that most people do have similar struggles. This kind of opinion is common with some men.
Q: Is pornography a serious problem and, if so, why? A: Yes, it is! For a number of reasons. I’ll start with the effects of pornography on our mental and physical health and then we will touch on the effects of pornography on the social and spiritual side of our being.
Last year (2017) The Telegraph, the UK newspaper published an article, “The scary effects of pornography: how the 21st century’s acute addiction is rewiring our brains”.
The article stated that “In 2014, a Cambridge University study found that pornography triggers brain activity in sex addicts in the same way drugs trigger drug addicts.” The article goes on to say that:
“Compulsive behaviours, including watching porn to excess, over-eating and gambling, are increasingly common. This study takes us a step further to finding out why we carry on repeating behaviours that we know are potentially damaging to us,” said Dr John Williams, Head of Neuroscience and Mental Health at the Welcome Trust, which funded the research. [1]
Q: The pornography industry is huge, and it seems to increasingly target the younger generation.
A: Yes it is. It is believed the online pornography sector is worth around $15 billion, and it reaches more people, and younger people, every year. In 2016 the analytics report of just one website, Pornhub, revealed that its videos were watched 92 billion times last year, by 64 million daily visitors. It works out at 12.5 videos for every person on the planet, and if you tried watching all of them consecutively – don’t – you’d be busy for 524,641 years. [2]
Recent statistics show that 53% of 11-16 year-olds have seen explicit material online at some stage.
Q: What other negative effects does viewing pornography have on people?
A: Enjoying actual sex less is perhaps the best-known consequence of porn over-consumption and a well-understood problem in the 21st century. In the 1980s, anti-porn protesters always argued it would turn men into monstrous pests. If anything, it seems to have done the opposite; it is not uncommon to hear of young men so accustomed to viewing porn of whatever variety, whenever they want it, that the labour of having actual sex is seen as unnecessary.
Q: It sounds like pornography negatively affects sexual performance. This is opposite of what some people would expect.
A: Yes. A 2015 study by researchers at the University of California found a rare positive correlation between porn watching and libido, but the consensus is on the opposite side. Last year, for instance, NHS experts (UK) noted an increase in erectile dysfunction in otherwise healthy young men and concluded that excessive porn use was the most likely factor at play.
Psychosexual therapist Angela Gregory in her BBC interview said that “these young men do not have organic disease”, so one of the first assessment questions I always ask now is about pornography and masturbatory habit because that can be the cause of their issues about maintaining an erection with a partner.”[3]
Q: Is it predominantly a male issue or do females get involved in viewing pornography?
A: One would think that porn is predominantly a male gender issue “because the porn industry is driven by men, funded by men, managed by men, directed by men and targeted at men…” according to advertising executive Cindy Gallup. [4] However, according to Nigel Barber, PhD who published the article “Women Flock to Pornography” in Psychology Today in 2013, survey data indicates that 30% of Internet pornography users are women. He says, “This is a problem for evolutionary psychologists who claim that women choose relationship-based romance literature over visual erotica.”[5]
Sex is the highest form of intimacy between a man and a woman and in order for it to be a blessing to us it should be exercised in the context of trust and commitment.
His argument is that women are not less sexual than men. He goes on to add that “…it is no great shock to discover that contrary to gender stereotypes, many women are interested in pornography. That interest emerges in a world where sexuality is less threatening than in the past. Even so, it is probably no accident that young women are drawn to cyberporn that can be enjoyed in privacy.[6]
Q: Before we discuss the spiritual effects of pornography, let me ask you if Christian men and women struggle with pornography or is this habit/addiction reserved for people who do not have faith and values that Christians profess? I suspect we all know the answer.
A: Unfortunately, Christians, and in general people of faith, are not exempt from pornography addiction. One can do a quick YouTube search and find many videos that aim to help Christians or people of different faiths (i.e. Muslims) to overcome pornography. Some ministries have been established, often by former pornography addicts, with the aim of helping other believers to quit pornography.
Q: Why, from the Christian perspective, is pornography such a serious issue?
A: This is an excellent question. Human sexuality is a gift of God. God gave it to us to enjoy within the confines of marriage. Sex is the highest form of intimacy between a man and a woman and in order for it to be a blessing to us it should be exercised in the context of trust and commitment. Marriage is that context.
When people get married, we [ministers] ask them to enter into a covenant of faithfulness that is meant to last until death. We asked if they will love and cherish each other and keep themselves for each other and exclude all others from that unique relationship no matter what life may bring to them (for better or for worse, in health and sickness…). God is invited as a witness and guarantor of this covenant relationship.
Being involved in pornography is like bringing another person into your marriage. It’s a betrayal of the marriage covenant, and thus an act of adultery.
Q: So, what can people do to overcome the addiction to pornography?
A: There are a number of programs that can help people to break the addiction to pornography, but I cannot think of any program that is more successful when it comes to addictions as the AA 12 Step Program. When it comes to pornography this program substitutes the word alcohol with the word lust.
One can find a number of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) websites or similar that aim to help people with their addiction to pornography. In the very middle of this program is the admission that one is powerless over their addiction and that one will rely on God to help them with their addiction. If people do not have access to an SA group in their area, they can see a Christian counsellor, or even if they have a support group such as SA in their area it would still be very helpful to see a Christian counsellor.
Q: David, is recovery from pornography a quick process, or can it take a while to recover?
A: It depends from case to case. God can choose to cure people instantly as a result of prayer. I have seen that. But in most cases, God uses the process, and it can take a longer time.
Q: So what’s the process of recovery?
A: The recovery process could be summed up in four stages that can last up to 3 years. And the assumption is that one is committed to recovery.
There are 4 Stages:
1. Survival Stage - 3 months to 12 months (quitting all behaviour that could lead to relapse. This includes having strict control over all your internet devices. Also, deleting any accounts that you used to watch pornography. Anything on social media that could trigger a relapse. Control the environment - use your computer and devices in an open space with little privacy. Decide on a start date. Porn and masturbation free time for at least 3 months. Deal with the following two issues: a) denial that you may have the problem and b) resistance to taking care of the problem. You will need to learn what you can replace the addiction with as well as deal with ego problems.
2. Stability Stage - from 6 - 18 months. By this stage, you will have a deep understanding of your addiction, and you should have developed a daily routine which helps your recovery. Your routine has become your habit by now. You have moved past denial and resistance. You feel a sense of accomplishment. You now have been off masturbation and pornography for a minimum of 6 months.
3. Maintenance Stage - 1.5 years to 3 years. Your relationship is stable and improving. At this stage, you’re able to move visiting your accountability partner or counsellor to a few times a year only. You must have a maintenance plan. No slip-ups or relapses or acting out behaviour for 3 years.
4. Mastery Stage - You have been in recovery for 2-3 years and have worked on deeper issues; fears, childhood events, relationship events, spiritual dilemmas and beliefs, or other possible triggers. Your concept of self-has improved and every aspect of your life improves.
Q: Thank you for sharing your insights with our readers about this issue that plagues an ever increasing number of people.”
A: You are welcome.
David Stojcic Director, 4D Living Lifestyle Health Clinic
Does God exist? Is there anyone ‘out there?’ Is God for Real? For years as an atheist, my answer to these questions was ‘no – there is no God.’ But like so many others I have had to reconsider the evidence. When we consider the vast expanse of our universe, do our individual lives really matter? Is there any purpose to our lives, or are we simply drifting through life wondering where meaning will come from? What is the evidence for the existence of God and what does that mean for you and the people you care about?
As an atheist in my teens through to my mid-twenties, I didn’t really think a lot about the future. I was living in the here and now, and I knew I had to grab all I could get out of this life because this is all there is, right? Or so I thought. I met a Christian at work who would occasionally share things he’d read in the Bible, but I wasn’t interested. I had everything I needed. Religion was for weak people. This was my attitude for years. But then to my surprise, I had an encounter with God and began exploring the validity of the Bible and the various evidences for the existence of God.
A couple of hundred years ago it became fashionable to doubt the validity of God and the Bible in the academic world. Questions were raised, and though those questions have been answered, doubts still remain today. As a result, people today are considered naive if they believe in God or take the Bible seriously. ‘Where is the evidence,’ they say. Ironically, so many today believe in a material explanation of the universe with no room for God, (a view I used to share), but without making a closer examination of the evidence for themselves. We can sometimes be guilty of assuming positions without convincing evidence, whilst at the same time accusing others of the same. This is how I once behaved.
You see, I don’t believe in blind faith – and interestingly enough, neither does the God of the Bible. The God of the Bible expects us to trust Him based on the evidence He has already provided. That evidence is abundant and comes in many forms – the design of the natural world, evidence of the divine inspiration of the Bible, corroborating evidence from other historical sources, archaeological evidence, the evidence of fulfilled prophecy, and the evidence of millions of people whose lives have been changed by the God of the Bible. The Bible itself encourages us to have answers for those who ask us a reason for the faith that we hold, 1Peter 3:15.
I am not suggesting that believers have all the answers - and let’s face it, no human does - but I am saying that God has provided enough evidence upon which to base a rational, reasonable faith in God.
However, evidence isn’t everything. Humans have demonstrated time and again that you can provide all the evidence you want and people may still choose to ignore the evidence and do what they want to do, or in this case, believe what they want to believe. I think I was like that when I was younger. Because, if there was a God, then there were going to be consequences. It meant I was accountable to someone for my thoughts, words and actions. But there was another side to God that I was less aware of. And that was the merciful, forgiving nature of God. The Bible reveals that God has paid an enormous price in order to take responsibility for my sins and mistakes. Rather than leaving me feeling guilt, shame and worthlessness, God has provided me with freedom, confidence and dignity. God promises us a more abundant life in the here and now, as well as the hope of eternity in the life to come. All this for choosing to have faith in God.
Whilst I speak regularly on a variety of different evidences for the existence of the God of the Bible, the greatest evidence for me is internal – its personal. Romans 8:16 tells us that ‘the Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.’ In other words, there is an internal witness that believers experience, which is a living connection with God that even surpasses the other lines of evidence already mentioned.
Do you really want to know if God is for real? Do you want to know what is true and what is not? The God of the Bible says we can know truth, if we are willing to search for it with all our heart. We have a choice – there will always be room for doubt – nothing forces us to believe - but we can choose to give God a chance. Faith is a choice.
So, are you open? Are you willing to give God a chance to reveal Himself to you? He May do this through a variety of means – supernatural, natural, circumstances, people, music, the testimony of scripture, to name a few. Or why not begin reading the Bible, the very book God gave us to discover Him and His will? Why not begin at the New Testament book of Mark and allow God to speak to you through His word? You may be surprised where it leads you.
Peter Watts - International speaker on phylosophy, global trends and spirituality
