info@changemylife.org.au
Newcastle, NSW
If you could pick an age to return to in life, what age would you pick? I sit here realising that my 60th birthday is not that far away. While I appreciate the experiences, knowledge and wisdom that comes with age, my back hurts when I get out of bed in the morning and my muscles take a long time to recover after strenuous exercise. Life was so much easier when I was younger, so if I could return to any age, which one would I pick?
Different ages have various advantages but I don’t think that I would pick returning to being a teenager or in my early twenties. I think I would pick late twenties or early thirties. By then, your brain is fully developed, you have gained some professional competence, you are hopefully emotionally secure with strong relationships and your body has not started the steep decline.
‘But why not a teenager?’ I hear you ask? Sure, my life was great when I was a teenager back in the 70s but would I really want to be a teenager today? Dr Adrian Tomyn, in a report funded by the Australian Government, found that the wellbeing of young people declined from the age of 12 to 16 before bouncing back a little by the time they are 19.
For many young people these teenage years can be tough and there are many factors that contribute to this decline in wellbeing. The NAB 2017 Survey of Independent Schools found that anxiety was a major issue for many students and detracted from their wellbeing:
“Almost daily, there are reports in the media highlighting the growing challenges facing our children arising from globalisation, the future of work, housing affordability and cost of living pressures, terrorism, climate change, global economic uncertainty, declining levels of literacy and numeracy relative to some countries, cyberbullying and family breakdown to name just a few. So perhaps it’s no surprise children are anxious.” (NAB Survey of Independent Schools 2017, p.1)
It is strange that in the age of the internet, where people can interact easily through social media, loneliness is a problem
The 2019 Young Australian Loneliness Survey found that a significant proportion of young people reported problematic levels of loneliness. Jean Twenge, in her 2018 book iGen has proposed that social media is contributing to the problem. Her data shows that since smart phones were first introduced there has been an increase in interactions but a reduction in quality human connections. This reduction in quality of connection has led to increased levels of loneliness in young people. Surely, we can do something to help. As Christians, we are charged with the responsibility to look after “the least of these”. Many of our ideas of service are wrapped up in overseas trips or StormCo trips within Australia. While these are good activities they tend to be one-off events. How do we help out in our home town or city on an ongoing basis? We all need to do our bit and be intentional about it. For example, at Avondale we prepare future teachers to go into schools, minister to students and make a difference in their lives. The philosophy that underpins our teaching courses is that we aim to facilitate high levels of wellbeing in Avondale students and set them up so that they can then impact the wellbeing of others.
We know that community and connecting to others contribute to our wellbeing. At Avondale, students join a campus community and participate in a number of activities that help them feel like they belong. You can feel the energy and friendship at the weekly Pulse meeting where students and staff have lunch together. This feeling is also very present during outdoor camping activities. A few weeks ago, I organised a canyoning camp where 20 Avondale students journeyed down Tiger Snake Canyon in the Blue Mountains.
Spending time in the outdoors feels like you are walking through God’s back garden.
We camped in a remote area with no mobile phone coverage. Phones were put aside as our group shared stories around the camp fire. The journey through the canyon was an adventure and people had to face their fears as they abseiled into the narrow confines of the canyon. There was cheering as group members overcame personal challenges and moved ahead with the group. Even a wade through waist deep freezing water could not dampen the spirits of the group that supported each other throughout the day. What a great feeling to sit around the camp fire that night and feel the community closeness that comes from shared adventure. I came home never feeling better.
Life for many people today can be hard, but there is help at hand. Teachers can make a difference in the lives of students. People have the opportunity to increase their personal wellbeing while at Avondale and then go into schools as teachers with the knowledge and ability to impact the wellbeing of their students. This is intentional and is ministry in action. With the right sort of help teenagers can increase their levels of wellbeing and be set on a course to flourish in life.
Peter Beamish Avondale University College
Lim M. H., Eres R., Peck C., (2019) The young Australian loneliness survey Understanding loneliness in adolescence and young adulthood, A report prepared for the Victorian Health Promotion Foundation, The Iverson Health Innovation Research Institute, and Centre for Mental Health, Swinburne University of Technology. Oster A., Pearson D., De Iure R., McDonald B., Wu S. (2017) NAB Survey of Independent Schools Survey 2017, National Australia Bank Tomyn A.J., Cummins R.A., Norrish J.M. (2015) The subjective wellbeing of ‘At-Risk’indigenous and non-indigenous Australian adolescents, Journal of Happiness Studies 16 (4), 813-837 Twenge, J. M. (2017). iGen: Why today’s super-connected kids are growing up less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy-- and completely unprepared for adulthood, New York, NY: Atria Books.
Melinda Archer's Story
Melinda Archer is a certifies Community Health Educator who is passionate about empowering people to live longer and stronger through diet and lifestyle choices. She has been a ‘Plant-based Ambassador’ for 10+ years, spreading the word on healthy- eating through Plant-based Cooking Classes, Grocery Store Tours, Kitchen Workshops and Vegan Cafe Nights. Initially trained as a teacher, she enjoyed teaching nutrition and simple cooking skills to teenagers. Melinda conducts regular plant-based cooking classes in her local community, in a volunteer capacity, and oversees the menu development and execution of boutique pop-up health retreats. She shares through her own health experiences and is currently studying to become a certified vegan chef. In this insightful interview, she reveals how being diagnosed with a chronic inflammatory disease helped her decide to take charge of her own health, and inspired her to help others on the same journey.
How did you become passionate about helping people with their health?
As a little girl, I remember helping my mother run vegetarian cooking classes in Papua New Guinea. It was a unique experience, sometimes using ground ovens and ingredients unknown to many Australians. My mother, Diane Butcher, had become a vegetarian at the age of 19 when she became a Seventh-day Adventist. She has been a great example of healthy living and cooking from my earliest memories. In 2008 a friend invited me to join her in doing a Community Health Education Presenter’s Course and this helped ground what I’d learned from experience, through scientific evidence. With a small group of friends in Toowoomba, Queensland, I eagerly started running my own vegetarian cooking classes. After being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, I became quite disheartened with what I perceived was my own ‘healthy lifestyle’. My specialists put me on serious drugs - steroids and immune suppressants - to bring my painful condition under control. I was determined that I would one day be drug-free and began the journey of trial- and-error diet and lifestyle research to finally discover my own drug-free path to wellness and vitality. The book, ‘Ministry of Healing’ provided a lot of great answers. I look back over this difficult and painful experience with gratefulness, I actually thank God for the experience of getting Crohn’s disease, as strange as that sounds! I am a much better health educator since being diagnosed with this auto-immune disease. I used to be so judgemental of people with poor health, thinking to myself: “If they would just do some exercise and eat healthfully they’d be ok!” Experience has taught me otherwise. I find I am much more empathetic now. I understand how hard it is to be sick and the difficulties of changing dietary and lifestyle habits.
I recently relocated from rural Queensland to the Newcastle area with my husband Julian, and we are loving long beach walks and exercising on the Fernleigh Track. I’m enjoying working with local health-enthusiasts to share the message of healthful living with my new community.
What does the life of a community health presenter look like?
My kitchen is my office. I spend at least four hours every day there, researching, testing, photographing and developing new recipes. I share my discoveries with a group of friends online. Most lunchtimes I have local friends around my table to give me feedback on the food I’ve created. It gives me so much joy to share recipes that help people
to live more vibrant, healthy lives. I feel that God has put this talent and knowledge into my hands, and I have to share it. We are told, after all, that “we are blessed to be a blessing”. I’ve been running cooking classes, grocery store tours, in-home Kitchen Workshops and Complete Health Improvement Programs for over 11 years now. It’s become part of my identity. I’m addicted to seeing that ‘aha!’ moment when people realise that they can be in charge of their own health.
What can people expect at one of your workshops?
It’s pretty simple, really. Usually between 5 to 7 recipes in each program, demonstrated and served in three courses: entree, main and dessert. Recipes are 100% plant-based and almost always gluten-free, and refined sugar free. I use as much fresh produce as I can because that’s the way I eat now. It’s a big part of how I manage to stay symptom-free even though I still have Crohn’s disease, in theory. I like to share from my own experience, of what has brought healing to my own body.
Do you have a philosophy around food, health and wellbeing?
My favourite philosophies are all borrowed from the experts. Here are my top picks:
• Australian Nutritionist Sue Radd, “Every meal is an opportunity to either heal or harm”.
•Author and whole-food advocate, Professor Michael Pollan, “Eat real food, not too much, mostly plants.”
What is the one thing you wish everybody knew that would help them take charge of their health?
You really can bring healing to your body by just giving it the right environment. God created our cells to self-heal when given the right conditions. I know that’s an oversimplification and some diseases are too far along to be cured by this philosophy, but I have found through my own experience that this is true, and I thank God for helping me make the necessary discoveries that have given me the vibrant life I now enjoy. I try to ask myself at every meal, “Is this real food? Will it heal me or harm me?” It’s a good habit to get into.
What is your favourite ingredient? Why? How do you like to use it?
That’s a really tough question! I have so many favourite ingredients, and it takes a blend of flavours to create something amazing. But if you’ll humour me, I’ll give you a savoury favourite and a sweet favourite. Going on frequency of use, I’d have to go with green leafy vegetables or lentils in the savoury category. And for sweet, berries; fresh or frozen, in smoothies or desserts. You can’t go past a good berry!
Tell us a little about the two recipes you have decided to make for us.
Curried Lentil Shepherd’s Pie is a faithful old recipe that I keep coming back to. It’s a tasty, affordable, comfort food, packed with protein and fibre. Soy Bircher Muesli is my all-time favourite breakfast. And when you load it with fresh papaya, kiwi fruit, berries, coconut yoghurt and toasted almonds, well (apart from prayer), I can’t think of a better way to start my day!
Inspiring Community Members Making An Impact In Central Australia
Finke is a quiet town. There’s not much surrounding it but red dirt and bush. Located in the dead centre of Australia, in the Northern Territory, approximately 317 km south of Alice Springs, this Aboriginal settlement is home to around 160 people. When you arrive, you’ll see the only local shop with two pumps of fuel. The shop is a gathering point where from 9 am till 4 pm locals come to do their groceries, chat and even make some calls on the payphone (there is no mobile reception for miles). The manager of the shop, a friendly Filipino lady, spends her day running the store and trying to shoo away the dogs that eventually find their way inside.
This small, red, friendly and dog-crowded town is also a ‘dry community’. Alcohol was banned by the liquor act of 1978, and the locals feel safer because of it. “Drunks only trash the place and scare the kids,” an elderly lady states. She reveals that the building that used to be a pub many years ago was transformed into an art gallery and will possibly become a museum in the future. The whole community makes an effort to keep Finke, or Aputula, clean and tidy. There’s no rubbish on the ground. All trash is tossed into bins and sorted in the drop off bays. The artists beautify buildings and street corners with colourful paintings - a collective effort that gave Finke the ‘NT Tidy Town’ title in 2017.
Of course, not everything is perfect, and just like any other community, they face problems. Occasionally, alcohol does find its way into the town, especially during the famous Finke Desert Race that draws 3.000 people looking for an adrenaline rush. But problems don’t discourage the community. Their efforts to meet the challenges are visible all year long. And they succeed. So much so that kids from other communities who have parents with drinking problems have found refuge and a chance for a better life with relatives in Finke. And many adults have dedicated their time to make Finke a safe and stable place for present and future generations - personalities who are true blossoms in the middle of the desert.
Justine Anderson
Walking around Finke, you will se a little bit of Justine in every corner. Her art is on all of the plant pots used on roundabouts, on gymnasium walls, on canvases hanging in the Finke Art Gallery and also on the mural outside the gallery, where we had the privilege of photographing her portrait. And even though she describes herself as “a lefty who loves to do creative things”, Justine Anderson is way more than that. She is a support worker at the school, a night patroller, a mum and when time allows her, an artist. “I have a very busy life and a busy house,” she says.
Working at the school, she’s responsible for helping children with their reading skills, and because the children speak in the local Aboriginal dialect, she also helps the teachers to identify when kids have trouble communicating and when they curse. After school, she expects around 12 children at her home, of which only three are her own. “They love playing with my children,” she acknowledges. Having a crowded house is a lot of work, but she embraces it. She’s got a trampoline and likes to do fun things with them like baking cup cakes. Her boys have Lego and videogames, and that fun creative environment provides the children in the community with a safe place. When the sun sets, Justine gathers all of them to serve dinner, and after dark, she starts the night patrol. “I also do the morning ‘Night Patrol’ when the schools are running,” she adds.
Despite having a hectic routine, Justine still manages to dedicate some time to her favourite hobby: painting. “Painting makes me happy, and I love being able to do this while having my kids around.” As an introvert, she found in her art a way to express herself. Her artwork represents her feelings, thoughts and stages of her life. One of her main paintings is displayed in the Finke Art Gallery and represents the birth of her little girl. Her work is also available in the souvenir shop at Uluru National Park, and the revenue helps to support the local Aboriginal community.
Jubilee Dougherty
Of all the places in the world, Finke would not be the most likely place to find a Filipino women choosing to call it home. Yet Jubilee not only made that choice, but she has been living there for the past six years. “I remember when we were being called to come to Finke, I saw a picture of the town and I laughed because it’s all red, red, red,” she jokes.
Jubilee and her husband, Mancel, are volunteers running the only church in the community. They actually live in the back of the church building, so being spiritual leaders, it is their full- time job to have a positive influence on people. Jubilee has been a shelter for many people in the community, especially women and children. “I started to mingle more with the locals for two main reasons. First, the children love to come here and then the parents end up coming too, and second because of my plants”, she says. Growing up in a place with no doctors around, Jubilee learned from her mother how to use leaves for various health issues. “Some of them, especially the old ladies, have sore backs, sore arms, and they come here asking me to help them by making plant remedies.”
Because Jubilee and Mancel work as volunteers in the church, they need to find ways to provide for themselves. Jubilee is very creative and she came up with an idea. The local supermarket in Finke closes every day at 4 pm, and after that, the locals have nowhere they can buy any food. So Jubilee began to sell snacks and candy from the servery in her kitchen. But conflicted by the fact that she was contributing to an unhealthy diet in the community, she created a healthy plot twist. “At first, when I started to sell it, I noticed that the children and some grownups had constant runny noses. So I decided to add some vitamin C to the candy. We also sell popcorn, and instead of seasoning with chicken salt, we add salt with turmeric, and they love it!”. After making these changes, she noticed that the children no longer had running noses. “I used to hand them tissues every time they came to the servery, but after consuming the healthier options, they didn’t need them anymore!”
Matthew Allen
"Not having my mum and dad's love made me feel so bad about myself that I thought no one would ever love me," confesses Matthew. His parents had drinking issues, and since they were constantly under the influence, Matthew grew up feeling alone and lost in the world. At that time, he was living in Charles Creek. Touched by his situation, his older sisters decided to bring him to Finke to live with them and receive a good education. Finke is a noteworthy aboriginal settlement because it is a dry community. That means that alcohol and other drugs are not allowed inside the town. So by living there, Matthew was given the possibility of having a healthier and safer life.
Studying in Finke with good teachers and a lot of friends, he started to see and understand how a child should be growing up, with a caring family. Even though he didn’t have his parents around, the school and the community provided him with guidance and a sense of belonging. “I loved going to school, because I had a lot of good, strong teachers who taught me how to walk in life, to be strong,” he says. That is why he refers to his community as his family. And because he is grateful to them, he decided to give back by helping other children who also feel lost.
Now, as the Youth Centre Coordinator, Matthew is responsible for providing fun and healthy activities for children, teenagers and young adults in their spare time. “In the Youth Centre, I keep children busy with fun activities, so they don’t feel bored, or like they don’t have anything interesting to do here. Because when they are not provided with valuable activities, it’s expected they will find something else to do, and most of the time, they will not be doing productive things,” he explains.
Be it through playing basketball, football, music, or even talking and spending time together, Matthew hopes that he can provide for these children, what his teachers provided for him: guidance. “When I’m helping my young families, it also helps me. Because I feel that I’m doing something, I’m contributing to something,” he states. With four children of his own, Matthew wants to be an example as they observe his dedication toward them. “Everyday I try my best to be a good father and a role model for them, so they know that they can count on me, and that will give them confidence through life.”
Juliana Muniz
Supporting The Outback Communities.
Even with the recent rains, outback Australia is still in drought and regional towns have taken a huge hit, economically and socially. There are still towns that are running out of water. But what can the majority of Australians, live on the coast, do to lend a helping hand? Turns out there are many ways of helping outback residents. Here are several ways of helping rural drought-affected areas from a distance.
DISTANCE HELP
The easiest way to help through distance is simply by buying Australian-made products. This directly supports the Australian producers, but if you want to do more, here are other suggestions.
Buy a Bale - Buyabale.com.au
The Buy a Bale program assists rural communities that have not only suffered from natural disasters but also communities that need help to exist. Our rural communities are disappearing and need our help. Some things that you can purchase to donate for farmers are hay, hampers, water, diesel to carry hay and more. Also, through this program, you can volunteer to help a farm or run a fundraiser. There are so many options for helping the farmers. The program has given 160,000 hay bales across four states since September 2013.
Drought Angels - droughtangels.org.au
Drought Angels provides food for farmers and businesses in the rural community. It is a small charity with a big heart.
Aussie Helpers - aussiehelpers.org.au
The Aussie Helpers charity supports farmers by ensuring their well-being. You can help through this charity by donating, fundraising or general support. You could organise a fundraiser in your local area collecting non-perishable foods from schools, workplaces, churches and community centres. You could get your work company to donate farm equipment and tools to farms, or donate new computers to families suffering poverty so that their children keep up with their education. Through this charity, you could also volunteer your time in assisting farming families in the outback.
Farmers markets - farmersmarkets.org.au
Visit your local Farmers Market. At these events, you have the exclusive opportunity to interact directly with the local farmers and producers. Why not buy straight from the source? You can even ask the farmers questions about where the produce is grown and how to best keep and use it.
VOLUNTEERING
If you would like a more hands-on experience, volunteering programs are perfect for providing direct support to outback communities and residents.
Farm Army - farmarmy.com.au/available-jobs
Volunteer your time with Farm Army and help farmers with orchard work, caretaking, fencing, general repairs, painting and more.
Farm Community Rescue - farmrescue.com.au/signup
If you have a trade skill, are traveling around Australia, or retired and just want to help, all you need to bring your own accommodation. Bring your caravan, motorhome, tent or swag, and Farm Community Rescue will feed you. This is a rural aid trip where you can connect with rural communities and make a difference in people’s lives who are struggling through the drought.
TOURISM
Everyone loves travelling, and tourism is a big help to rural communities, especially in drought-affected towns. You support the local community every time you purchase food at a cafe, refuel, stay the night or visit a local supermarket. These things are not just good for business but also good for the morale of the community. If you’re on the road, don’t just pass by these towns. Slow down and relax, grab a bite to eat, spend the night and explore the region.
Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park - parksaustralia.gov.au/uluru
• Northern Territory
The time to visit Uluru is between May and September when the temperatures range between 20oC and 30oC. During August and September is a beautiful time to see the park’s wildflowers in bloom. There are many accommodation options, but the main one that you could stay at is Ayers Rock Resort, which is about a 10-minute drive from the park. This resort has restaurants, a hairdresser, a day spa, a supermarket and anything else you need to make your stay comfortable. Be sure to catch the sunrise at Uluru - it will be worth it!
Uluru’s neighbour, The Olga’s (Kata Tjuta), is a natural wonder made up of 36 domed red rocks. It is an astounding sight in Australia’s Red Centre. Take a guided nature walk around The Olgas and be amazed by the tinted tones of sunset surrounding the red rocks.
Airbnb and Stayz - airbnb.com.au and stayz.com.au
Rather than staying at a hotel, why not stay on a farm? Airbnb and Stayz have many beautiful farm locations where you could spend the night. These stays help the farmers directly, and you may even learn some interesting history from the farmers themselves. Some guesthouses are hand-built using local materials, and many places are pet-friendly if you are travelling with your fur babies.
Field of Lights - ayersrockresort.com.au/fieldoflight
• Northern Territory
The Field of Lights attraction is a solar light artwork. Bruce Munro created an installation of 50,000 solar lights at the Ayers Rock Resort. This blanket of colours embraces the surroundings of Uluru with walks that you can take or enjoy the sea of lights from the hilltop. This installation finishes on the 31st of December 2020.
Outback Ballooning - outbackballooning.com.au
• Alice Springs, Northern Territory
See the astonishing red outback from a hot air balloon in Alice Springs. With low cancellation rates due to the predictable desert weather, Outback Ballooning is usually operational every day, depending on the weather.
Lake Eyre - parks.sa.gov.au
• Far North, South Australia
Add the largest Salt Lake in Australia, Lake Eyre to your outback travel bucket list! It’s a jaw-dropping 144km long and 77km wide and a truly spectacular sight. Most of the time this lake is dry, but you will marvel at the vast white salt that looks just like a snowfield!
Kakadu National Park - parksaustralia.gov.au/Kakadu
• Jabiru, Northern Territory
Kakadu National Park has stories that will touch your heart. Kakadu holds some of the oldest Indigenous rock art, rock gorges, rainforests and peaceful swimming pools.
Kangaroo Sanctuary - kangaroosanctuary.com
• Alice Springs, Northern Territory
The Kangaroo Sanctuary is a 188-acre wildlife sanctuary for rescued orphaned baby and adult kangaroos. They offer sunset guided tours, and you can meet the kangaroo family and hold a baby roo!
Kings Canyon - northernterritory.com
• Petermann, Northern Territory
Why not experience the Kings Canyon, Watarrka National Park and George Gill Range from above with a breath-taking, scenic helicopter flight?
With so many things to see and do in the outback, your visit will mean a lot to rural communities. Whether it’s staying on a farm, volunteering or donating food hampers and money, the outback will appreciate it. They need all the help they can get. Please consider spending some time to help them.
Marta Rutkowska
Recovering From The Long-Term Effects Of Bullying
SINCE THE EARLY AGE OF TWO YEARS OLD, Kaelum Buck’s childhood could be described as a sequence of numerous medical challenges, surgeries and complicated recoveries. Yet the impact of these health struggles and uncertainties was not nearly as harmful to his mental health as the bullying he experienced in his early school years. Today, at the age of seventeen, his medical challenges have long since subsided, yet the aftermath of years of bullying have left him with an even greater mental struggle: severe anxiety.
People often think of bullying as “a kid’s problem” or “just something that happens in school”. This perspective trivializes a severe issue that not only has an enormous long- term impact on both the lives of the bully and the victim, but also ignores the deep causes and triggers of bullying.
When attempting to combat bullying, it’s common to find yourself asking the question, “who is responsible for dealing with and preventing it?” and “how do we even begin to tackle it?” To answer these questions, first we need to better understand exactly what bullying is and what causes it.
According to clinical therapist David Haupt, the reason why people bully is most often because they have been bullied themselves. He states, “They battle with low self-worth and therefore try to draw an awareness and acceptance from other people through bullying.” He also points that, “It’s expected of children who come from a home where physical or emotional abuse takes place to project that over to other kids.”
For Kaelum it all started in his first year of school. He was initially bullied by one person, but eventually it turned into a group of five. “To put it the easy way, they would say a lot of mean stuff. It got to a point where my parents had to have a meeting with the school principal to see if there was anything they could do,” he recalls.
In the meeting, the school decided not to expel the encourager and offered to put Kaelum under the protection of the teachers. “So, whether I was in class, at recess, at lunch, when I got to school, when I left school, I had to stay with the teachers, for my safety.”
Bullying is common in schools, but is not restricted to its perimeter. It can happen on the bus, on the way home, or on the internet. To a large extent, the school has the opportunity to confront bullying, but we need measures that go beyond its walls.
School counsellor Ruth Hodge emphasises that isolating the victim will only create further possible avenues for bullying through ostracism. But for the victim to be free, it is important to approach the aggressor by “using the consequences of bullying as an opportunity for ‘time in’ rehabilitation of behaviour. This is where an adult talks with the bully and journeys through the process of shifting mindsets about that behavior,” she explains. “Rather than ‘time out’ where a bully is supervised from a distance (such as in detention, suspension, etc., but not engaged with; expected to sit alone and think about what they’ve done, we need to journey with them in order to ensure that the behaviour isn’t repeated.”
Ruth emphasises the need to keep justice in the minds of educators and disciplinary staff. “Justice for the victim looks like freedom to move around without fear of bullying, freedom to find a safe space at school, freedom to continue to connect with students and staff of their choosing, and access to wellbeing support as necessary.”
When isolated under the protection of teachers, Kaelum was technically out of reach for the bullies, but that didn’t prevent him from being attacked out of school. “That actually gave the bullies more of an opportunity to bully.
It got to the point where they would come to my house,” Kaelum says. His neighbours reported several attempts of the group attempting to damage his house and even the family’s car. Kaelum’s isolation at school continued to isolation in his home. “I would go home, off the bus every day, go into my room and just hide. That’s all I could do.”
David Haupt explains that isolation is actually one of the short-term impacts in the life of the victim. “They will often withdraw themselves from their peers and the wider community.” Long-term isolation can lead to anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
At the end of year five, Kaelum was transferred to a new school. Even though he didn’t have to deal with bullying in his new school, he still had to deal with the aftermath of the previous five years. Besides severe anxiety, Kaelum also developed another long-term effect that David describes as, “...that of having difficulty in building trust relationships with other people in their social life... constantly being aware of potential bullying which puts them continually in a state of trauma. Because when you’re having a normal conversation, at any minute it can become a traumatic event.”
Recovering from the deep traumas caused by years of bullying is possible, and since the change of school, Kaelum has continued his long, help-seeking journey. “There are a lot of different resources out there. You can get a lot of different advice on how to move on or how to deal with the after- effects. I’ve been seeing a counsellor. I talk to my pastors at school. I talk to people who are interested in my story, and I have my friends who help me through the anxiety.”
During his journey, Kaelum has also had the support of his family. As he continues the battle toward recovery, he shares his story to bring this discussion one step further to finding a solution and preventing other people from facing the same.
Juliana Muniz
When I lived in London prior to my return to Australia, I would take my hour lunch break in the South-side hood of Borough to explore back streets, quiet parks and lanes where ice-cream vans would line up. I found myself stumbling across a mural painted on a wall which backs on to the view of the Shard in the distance. The statement painted in clear, black text read:
"Nothing for myself that is not also for others."
Though a Buddhist saying, the notion stems from somewhere I can only identify as Heaven itself. A place where all live harmoniously simply because they uphold and respect one another, and deeply love one another.
But we live in a broken world. A world where unbeknownst to us we hurt people on a daily basis. Intentionally and unintentionally. And so with that comes the necessity to reeducate ourselves in appropriate interactions and displays of love to self and others.
And so, there is a resurgence in today’s thriving young generation of the terminology “boundaries.” I use it daily in my practice as a counsellor. I use it when discussing past and present friendships and relationships. For me, it is a professional and personal term that holds a whole lot of meaning - and this is much the same for others today.
What I want to explore, however, is where boundaries actually work. So much emphasis has been placed on “my boundaries” when we talk about people that cross them. These boundaries may be in terms of physical interactions within romantic relationships, within how much of our time we give to our parents in our day to day lives, within our capacity to say “yes” or “no” at the appropriate time when it comes to work.
We see that even Jesus established boundaries in His ministry and personal life. Jesus knew the importance of personal integrity, but most interestingly He always set the example that boundaries were not merely for Himself. They, in all actuality, were to serve others. He told the demoniac in Gerasene after healing him from possession to “go home” rather than stay with Jesus (Luke 8). This firm boundary, though challenging to the ears of those around at first, would have served both the demoniac and Jesus in more effective spiritual growth for the demoniac, and more Kingdom growth for Christ. Jesus withdrew from crowds to get reset time with the Father (Luke 5), which restored Him for further service to the people around Him.
The common reality was always that Jesus never did anything that was not also for others. He lived this motto. His boundaries always served both Himself and those around Him. I wonder if we as humans on planet Earth in 2019 are truly reaping the benefits of boundaries: do we know the full strength, the full potential of what it offers to us in the context of relationships? I hear the term “boundaries” too often thrown around, often by women who declare royally that their boundaries need to be respected. I question “why?” Why do they need to be respected?
We can establish boundaries quite easily, in fact. But our purpose behind establishing them will ultimately determine their effectiveness. Reading this statement on Instagram recently, I came to a standstill:
"A boundary isn’t an attack, but rather an opportunity to courageously understand and love one another better.”
We don’t see Jesus white-girl waving His hand saying “they need to respect my boundaries.” The all-too-evident reality is that some people won’t. It’s not an entitlement that we rightfully are bestowed by virtue of existence. It is a privilege. When Jesus went as far as to get in a boat to sail off and catch a breather, others began sailing behind Him.
In recent events in my life, I’ve seen how I’ve adjusted from the mentality of “respect my boundaries or rack off” to “this is how I’m going to love you the best way I can.” In a recent relationship, exploring boundaries was nerve-wracking for me. In loving the person deeply, I had to establish and reiterate boundaries. I felt that if I didn’t, then it didn’t show respect for this person. I hoped that by communicating clearly the boundary and why I thought it was necessary, it would provide a mutual opportunity for us to “courageously understand and love one another better.” I reflected on this statement and used this to direct my conversations and my boundary-building:
"When people set boundaries with you, it's their attempt to continue the relationship with you. It is not an attempt to hurt you."
In my example, my boundary meant I could watch that person safely flourish. I could redirect them to Christ. I could free them from the perspective that in our connection, they’d find all their needs met. And I could function sufficiently to serve them through prayer rather than in physically “being there.” If a person, for instance, is told “no, you can’t touch me like that,” they can either take this as a personal affront, take offence to the statement and grouch because they’ve been “told off”, or they can perceive that it is for their benefit as much as the other person. It is because in this instance, they learn that a body is not theirs to take, but something that someone freely decides to share. They learn the value of consent. They learn that they can have the entirety of another person when the other person decides they have reached that level of trust. And how utterly beautiful that journey to mutual respect and deepened love becomes!
When I say no to a student who wants to see me at a particular time in a particular place, I respect myself and my capacity to be in only one place at one time. I respect my prior commitments to other students and staff which contribute to a smoother running system in our wellbeing service, but I also teach the student that I believe they can self-regulate and keep a handle on things until I do have time for them. I teach them that respect and “waiting your turn” can get you places in life. I teach them that whatever is going on isn’t “the end of the world.” We all win when the purpose and the communication of the boundaries are clear and other-centred.
Either way, boundaries have such a strong potential for shaping relationships to be open, centred and truly loving in their execution. And, as a culture, I think we need to learn more about being on the receiving end, or the “outside line” of a boundary, and to remember that boundaries continue relationship. They are for healing, not for hurting. They are not an attack but an opportunity to love even deeper.
Ruth Hodge
WHEN RICHARD DAVIS WAS 17 YEARS OLD, he met a girl in high school and they had a baby. Four years later they had another child and things started to change. He started hanging out with friends more and spending more time drinking and partying. He left his first partner and went straight into another relationship with someone else. She was already pregnant with Richard’s daughter. He continued this pattern of drinking, misusing social media and not treating women well for 10 years, at which point Richard had 5 children with 3 different women. He felt so self- centred. There were times where he resolved that he would change, but Richard always ended up relapsing into old patterns. “God was there for me and I was always in God’s heart but I never let Him in my heart”, Richard expressed. He wanted to do things on his own, with his own brute strength and willpower, but simply couldn’t. After being stuck in this loop for 10 years, Richard finally surrendered to God and began to change.
“As I started walking with God, I felt so much more peace and strength. I just felt free. Jesus is the answer.”
For the past few months Richard has been walking with God. He has been taking his sons to Bible study with the local pastor. These Bible studies have made a huge difference in his life because as much as Richard thought he could do things on his own, he kept falling back into temptation. “We still have problems, we have our ups and downs, and we live in a sinful nature but living with God is just so much more peaceful and there are different tools on how to deal with things the right way.”
Marta Rutkowska
WALKING INTO OP SHOPS CAN BRING THAT SPECIAL FEELING of treasure hunting. Like you're about to find something very unique with a lot of history. One day Carolyn Foster had an idea to combine that nostalgic op shop experience with a very noble purpose, and that's how the Tuggerah ADRA Op Shop was born.
From a Christian family, Carolyn always felt the need to make her Christianity more real by doing more for the community. She and her husband own a transport business with 99% of the customers being interior designers, and in that, she saw an opportunity to start the project.
Carolyn began by emailing the clients, asking if they would be willing to donate items to the ADRA Op Shop. "The response was amazing", she remembers. "In the days leading up to finding a shop, we had been donated a lot of furniture. My double garage and rumpus room, my parents' double garage and a friend's garage all had furniture being stored in for when the shop opened."
A special humanitarian agency
The decision to make it an ADRA Op Shop is the main reason why the shop is so important for the community. ADRA, as the name says, "Adventist Development and Relief Agency", is a worldwide organization that supports people in need delivering relief and development assistance to individuals in more than 130 countries. Its help can range from risk and war zones to communities in developed countries struggling with depression.
"Here, the Op Shop supports the community by people firstly bringing donations to us. Once we receive the donations, we put them on the floor, check them, then sell them to the community for a great cheap cost. And the money we raise goes back to the local community."
80% of the funds raised by ADRA Op Shops are used to fund a range of local ADRA community projects such as women’s refuges, at-risk youth intervention, drug and alcohol counselling, as well as literacy and job skill training.
A special bond
More than providing access to cheap, but quality products and financial support to ADRA's projects, Carolyn and the volunteers who work in the shop have also been getting to know and helping people in the community through friendship. "We have had customers come in and spend time talking with us, sharing their life struggles and talking about their families. The really special part is we are starting to learn their names and they know ours too."
She says this friendship has been bringing a positive impact on her life and the lives of the volunteers. "It is so amazing how, through service, we have found greater peace and happiness."
The diverse volunteer staff who work in the store all share the same passion: to make a difference in the lives of those who visit the shop every day. "We desire to have a place where people can come in when they are having a rough time and know they will receive help in whatever way we can."
Yes, walking into op shops can bring that special feeling of treasure hunting, but in the Tuggerah ADRA Op Shop, you will find more than, unique objects and furniture. You will find a caring and loving staff who is willing to serve the community, and bit by bit, make the world a better place.
Juliana Muniz
HAVING JUST SPENT THE PAST FEW WEEKS IN MY COUNTRY OF BIRTH - South Africa, I have been overwhelmed by stories of people who have “done life extremely hard” and yet, emerged stronger and more resilient. One such person was Kennedy Gihana, a Rwandan whose whole family, except his one brother, was murdered in the Rwandan genocide in 1994.
He eventually fled the country on foot in 1996, walking thousands of kilometers. He faced the dangers of wild animals and humans along what he calls the “Rat roads” - little paths you take in order not to be seen and to stay alive.
Throughout the journey, the kindness of strangers and the spirit of ubuntu - the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity, kept him going. He describes his family as the fifty-six, referring to the 56 million South Africans who have welcomed him into their country. Today he is a human rights lawyer, married, with two children.
We may not all suffer such extreme trauma, but we all face degrees of stress, anxiety, depression, PTSD, abuse - issues demonstrated by recent studies to have an impact that lasts for generations. Recent research “has not only chronicled the existence of intergenerational trauma but has demonstrated some of the epigenetic, molecular, and biochemical mechanisms responsible for such transmission” (Levine, 2015: 161).
But is it possible at all for people to recover from such experiences?Studies show that with the right support, even severe early life trauma can be solved. It also shows that when an adult has resolved their childhood trauma, it benefits their children or the children they may later have.
Some of the remedies for healing include receiving the appropriate counselling and ongoing support from a professional in this field. A safe and supportive environment is also essential for healing. We know that supportive relationships and healthy interactions play a significant role in any process of recovery. These are relationships with friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, as well as professionals. Just as negative interactions can be detrimental, positive interactions can assist healing and repair.
It is also important to know that hope and optimism about the possibility of recovery is not just ‘wishful thinking’. Instead, it has been proven by clinical and neuroscientific research, as well as survivors’ stories of resilience and healing. The brain is neuroplastic; that means it can change in both structure and function. Of course, proper nutrition and a healthy gut biome are also important. Healthy choices like regular exercise, including resistance activities, drinking water, sleeping 7 to 8 hours a night and finding spiritual meaning also contribute significantly with the healing process.
People who have experienced repeated trauma, violence or abuse can find themselves responding to triggering situations in different ways. It can vary from being hyper-aroused or agitated, anxious and easily startled to being hypo-aroused or numb and shut down. Much of the trauma that we have experienced is stored in our body. The tone of a person’s voice, a smell, a sound or a feeling might trigger us in a way that sometimes doesn’t make sense.
Research reveals that environments can increase or reduce our stress, which in turn impacts our bodies. What you are seeing, hearing, experiencing at any moment is changing not only your mood, but how your nervous, endocrine, and immune systems are working.
THE GREEN PILL: WHY MAKE ONE DAY A WEEK A SABBATH OF REST TO SPEND TIME IN NATURE
Nature heals
Being in nature, or even viewing scenes of nature, reduces anger, fear, and stress and increases pleasant feelings. Exposure to nature not only makes you feel better emotionally, but also contributes to your physical wellbeing, reducing blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension, and the production of stress hormones. It may even reduce mortality, according to scientists such as public health researchers Stamatakis and Mitchell.
Research done in hospitals, offices, and schools has found that even a simple plant in a room can have a significant impact on stress and anxiety.
Nature soothes
In addition, it helps us cope with pain. Because we are genetically programmed to find trees, plants, water, and other natural elements enthralling, we are absorbed by nature scenes and distracted from our pain and discomfort.
This is nicely demonstrated in a now-classic study of patients who underwent gallbladder surgery; half had a view of trees, and half had a view of a wall. According to the physician who conducted the study, Robert Ulrich, the patients with the view of trees tolerated pain better, appeared to nurses to have fewer negative effects, and spent less time in a hospital.
Nature restores
One of the most intriguing areas of current research is the impact of nature on general wellbeing. In one study in Mind, 95% of those interviewed said their mood improved after spending time outside, changing from depressed, stressed, and anxious to calmer and more balanced.
Furthermore, time in nature or viewing nature scenes increases our ability to pay attention. It also provides a respite for our overactive minds, refreshing us for new tasks.
In another interesting area, Andrea Taylor’s research on children with ADHD shows that time spent in nature increases their attention span later.
Nature connects
A study at the University of Illinois suggests that residents in Chicago public housing who had trees and green space around their building reported numerous lifestyle improvements. Such as knowing more people, having stronger feelings of unity with neighbours, being more concerned with helping and supporting each other, and having stronger feelings of belonging than tenants in buildings without trees.
In addition to this greater sense of community, they had a reduced risk of street crime, lower levels of violence and aggression between domestic partners, and a better capacity to cope with life’s demands, especially the stresses of living in poverty.
This experience of connection may be explained by studies that used fMRI to measure brain activity. When participants viewed nature scenes, the parts of the brain associated with empathy and love lit up. And when they viewed urban scenes, the parts of the brain associated with fear and anxiety were activated. It appears as though nature inspires feelings that connect us to each other and our environment.
Study co-author Prof. Andy Jones, also from UEA, said, “We often reach for medication when we’re unwell, but exposure to health-promoting environments is increasingly recognised as both preventing and helping treat disease. Our study shows that the size of these benefits can be enough to have a meaningful clinical impact.”
Dr Trevor Hurlow
FAMILY TIME IN NATURE IS ONE OF THE MOST ENGAGING AND MEMORABLE ACTIVITIES and it’s great for strengthening relationships. This spring, block some family time out in your diary, jump in the car and explore the great outdoors. Here are some experiences on our family wish list.
THE THREE BAYS This first one is a gem. Slap on some sturdy shoes and be off with the family on a hike with an eye-catching view. You can hike up Mount Tomaree in Shoal Bay. It will take around 1-2 hours to do the return trip with a family. Once you get to the top, the view is breathtaking!
If you want to take it a little easier, you can jump on a dolphin and whale watching cruise at Nelson Bay. Imagine seeing an 18-metre whale that weighs 40 tonnes!
Be sure to bring your camera. 15 minutes down the road to Anna Bay you will find the magnificent Birubi Beach, which is home to camel riding and sand surfing. Or feel free to just relax and enjoy the beach. There’s also a cafe on shore so you can grab a feed for the family while you are there.
BYRON BAY Sometimes all you want to do is relax and just enjoy some quiet time, right? Well here you will definitely experience that. Cape Byron Lighthouse is located at the most easterly point of Australia and offers a stunning view of the coastline. Be sure to tick this location off your list! The best times to catch the pastel shades of pink, blue and orange are sunrise and sunset. Definitely set aside sometime to relax and enjoy this location.
Take a stroll through the Byron Farmers Markets. They are open every Thursday 7am-11am. Standing by their slogan of being local and authentic, it is certain that when you buy from these markets, you are getting the produce direct from the farmer.
Hiring a bike is also a great way to explore Byron Bay’s outer beaches and rainforest.
PORT MACQUARIE In the charming coastal town of Port Macquarie, Taking Point Lighthouse presents remarkable panoramic views along Australia’s Mid-North Coast. This lighthouse is the thirteenth oldest lighthouse in Australia. It holds much history and is a very popular sighting location during whale season.
Imagine walking along a wooden boardwalk in the middle of a rainforest. The tree branches are alive with nesting birds. The seven-meter- high rainforest above completely surrounds you. In the distance there’s a rustle - a goanna roaming around below. This is Sea Acres Rainforest Centre. The breezy 1.3km boardwalk trail is perfect for a few hours out with your loved ones.
TWEED HEADS Have you ever wanted to snorkel with turtles? At Water Sports Guru you can. This is one of the few places where you can almost be certain that you will see turtles. Be ready to check this experience off your bucket list! Water Sports Guru can also teach you how to surf, SUP (stand up paddle boarding) and much more. If you love water sports or just enjoy being in the water, these places are definitely for you.
If you love animals, then you are going to enjoy David Fleay Wildlife Park. This park is home to koalas, wallabies, dingos, cassowaries, emus, pademelons and so many other different wildlife species. Be sure to go around the whole park and say hi to all the animals there.
Not too far from Tweed Heads is Tropical Fruit World. This location gives a unique experience to people who love food, nature, health and well-being. Entry to the café and markets are free but if you would like to experience a tour of the farm you will need to purchase tickets. The admission fee includes a fully guided tour of the orchard by tractor train, along with exotic fruit tasting. After that you’ll visit their animal park and then unwind with a boat cruise through the bushland valley.
COFFS HARBOUR This next spot is located further down the coast. The iconic jetty in Coffs Harbour is perfect for a peaceful ocean stroll. Just across from the jetty is Muttonbird Island Nature Reserve - a small mountain with impressive scenic views. During summer you might even spot Humpback whales on their way down south to feed in the Southern Ocean. Coffs Harbour is also home to a Dolphin Marine Park - if you or the kids fancy being kissed by a seal or dolphin. Australia’s iconic Big Banana is also nearby so if you haven’t been there yet, you should definitely drop by for the ‘obligatory’ tourist photo. Some amazing local beaches that you might want to check out include Jetty Beach and Diggers Beach.
Muttonbird Island Nature Reserve
Enjoy your east coast endeavours!
Marta Rutkowska
